My girlfriend took me on holiday after my cancer diagnosis – but I found HER dying in our hotel room, I’ll never recover
GATHERING dust in a jewellery shop in Turkey is a diamond engagement ring which JJ Warner had planned to give his partner, Sophie Runkee during their holiday.
But on the same day he had planned to propose, JJ instead faced a devastating discovery on their hotel balcony.
JJ discovered Sophie unconscious and she was rushed to hospital where she was placed in a coma - but she never regained conciousness.
Ten months on, he has been too upset to collect the ring, which is a painful reminder of all he has lost.
JJ, 40, and Sophie, then 34, had booked a "memory-making" holiday in Marmaris, Turkey, last July following JJ’s cancer diagnosis.
The couple were hoping to spend precious time with their three children, including baby Luca, then 11 weeks old, before JJ’s treatment began.
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They had previously discussed getting married, and JJ was planning to officially propose during their holiday.
He had bought a ring from a jewellery shop near their holiday apartment, secretly booked a restaurant, and shared his plan with the two older children.
But on the evening, he had planned to propose, JJ instead faced the devastating ordeal of formally identifying Sophie’s body.
JJ, from Hull, says: “Sophie was the love of my life, a wonderful mother and partner and we miss her every day.
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“I was shell-shocked when she died, it was so sudden. Flying home without her was horrendous, and I left the ring behind in Turkey.
“I couldn’t face collecting it.”
JJ believed she had died from choking after drinking, and had blamed himself for not checking on her sooner.
But a recent autopsy report from Turkey shows Sophie had an undiagnosed heart condition which killed her.
JJ says: “All these months, I’ve believed Sophie had choked after drinking and I felt so guilty for not keeping a closer eye on her, because I thought her death could have been prevented.
“Now, I know it was a heart condition which I could have done nothing about. Nobody could have saved her."
He adds: “That brings me some comfort and relief, but it does not ease my grief.
"I am now focused on raising the children in her memory and making her proud.”
JJ and Sophie met three years ago through an online dating site and instantly fell in love.
Our concern was how we’d manage if anything happened to me – not for a moment thinking Sophie would be the one to die
JJ Warner
He says: “We clicked immediately; we were soulmates.
“I had never really opened up to anyone before, but I trusted Sophie straightaway.
"She was really bubbly and chatty, and she had a heart of gold and adored her two children.
“We’d both had a lot of sadness, and we bonded over that.
"Sophie had had her struggles, but she managed to put them all behind her when we met, and we made each other so happy.
“Once a month, we had a date night, we’d go to a spa, or we’d take the dogs out for a long walk. We just loved being together.”
Sophie gave birth to the couple’s son, Luca, in April last year, and the couple settled down to family life with Sophie’s son, Tommy, now 10, and daughter, Alicia, now 15, from a previous relationship.
But when Luca was just four weeks old, JJ found a lump on his bottom.
He says: “I’d had a lump removed in the past, so I was instantly worried.
"I went for tests, and they found more lumps in my groin and my neck.
“I was told the first lump was a melanoma, skin cancer, and it hit us hard.
“We booked a last-minute trip to Turkey, to cheer the kids up, and enjoy some quality time before my radiotherapy treatment began.
“Our concern was how we’d manage if anything happened to me – not for a moment thinking Sophie would be the one to die.
"As far as we knew, she was perfectly fit and healthy.”
Special date
While marriage was on the cards, JJ wanted to surprise Sophie.
“We talked about getting married and were planning to tie the knot in Scotland that September,” he says.
“Sophie had just wanted to go to the local register office before we flew to Turkey, but I wanted something better for her, I wanted something special.
“We’d been looking at rings in Marmaris, where we were staying, so I knew the kind of thing she wanted.
“But I wanted to surprise her with a romantic proposal. She didn’t know where or when I would do it.
“I bought the ring she liked from a jewellery shop near our apartment, I booked a restaurant for the occasion, and I confided in the kids.
“Sophie had no idea what was coming. I wanted it to be really special, to show her what she meant to me.
“She had my initials tattooed onto her finger, which I loved.”
I was only allowed 5 minutes with her. I was devastated
JJ Warner
Eight days into the three week holiday, JJ took a call from his doctors informing him they suspected cancer in a second lump.
He says: “Sophie took it badly; she was out of her mind with worry about me.
"She didn’t drink but she went out and got really drunk, as a stress-release.
“I babysat, and I was worried and annoyed when she got back. I took the baby out for a walk, to let her sober up.
“She was sleeping it off on the balcony and I made sure she was covered with a towel, and she had sunscreen on.”
But Alicia later found her mother unconscious, having vomited.
JJ says: “Alicia called me, and I raced back, I began CPR, trying to save her until the paramedics arrived.
How to reduce your risk of heart attacks and stroke
You can reduce your risk of heart attack and stroke with many of the same methods.
Heart attacks and strokes, although affecting different organs of the body, are both what we call cardiovascular events.
Both arise from similar underlying conditions, such as atherosclerosis —a buildup of fatty deposits in the arteries.
According to the American Heart Association, the risk factors for heart attacks and strokes are largely the same: high blood pressure, high cholesterol, smoking, obesity, physical inactivity and diabetes.
Therefore, addressing these risk factors can simultaneously reduce the risk of both conditions.
Here are ways you can prevent the two:
Healthy diet
- More fruit and veg: The DASH, which emphasises fruit, vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins, has been shown to reduce blood pressure and improve heart health.
- Less fats: Too much saturated and trans fats can raise cholesterol levels and increase the risk of atherosclerosis. Go for healthier fats like those found in olive oil, nuts, and avocados.
- Limit salt: High salt intake is linked to high blood pressure, a major risk factor for both heart attack and stroke. The NHS recommends no more than 6g of salt per day for adults.
- Fibre: Foods high in soluble fibre, such as oats and beans, can help lower cholesterol levels.
Exercise
Walking, running, cycling, swimming - whatever you like, do it!
Aerobic exercise can strengthen the heart and improve circulation.
The NHS advises at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity or 75 minutes of vigorous-intensity activity each week.
Strength training exercises can help control weight, improve cholesterol levels, and reduce blood pressure. It is recommended twice a week by the NHS.
Manage blood pressure
Healthy diet and exercise can help keep your blood pressure in check.
But it is worth monitoring it yourself after the age of 40, at least, when the NHS invites adults for a check-up every five years.
High blood pressure often has no symptoms but significantly increases the risk of heart attack and stroke.
Quit smoking
One of the best ways to quit smoking is to use resources provided by NHS Smokefree. Support groups, medications, and other tools to help quit smoking such as vapes could be what you need to kick the habit for good - and it's free.
Limit booze
Excessive alcohol consumption can increase blood pressure and contribute to weight gain, which can snowball and become a heart health risk.
The NHS recommends not regularly drinking more than 14 units of alcohol per week.
“Sophie was rushed to hospital and placed in ICU in a coma. I was only allowed 5 minutes with her. I was devastated."
JJ says he tried to keep positive for the kids but it was "horrendous".
And he is full of praise for the Turkish doctors saying they "did all they could" but that he "knew it wasn’t looking good”.
Sophie never regained consciousness and on the second day, the hospital told JJ nothing more could be done.
Saying goodbye
He was allowed a second brief visit to say goodbye.
He says: “It was surreal, I felt like I was living a nightmare, holding her hand, and saying goodbye.
“On the next evening when I was supposed to propose, I instead went to formally identify Sophie’s body. I could not bear the thought of leaving her there on her own.
“Before we left Turkey, I had a tattoo done, in her memory, at the same studio she’d used.
“She had to have a post-mortem, and I had to make the arrangements to have her body brought back home.
“We were supposed to be planning our wedding, instead I was arranging a funeral.
"It was so cruel. I couldn’t bear to collect the ring, even though it was paid for. We left it there, in the shop.”
Back at home in Hull, JJ had to face cancer treatment on his own, including eight surgeries, as well as looking after the children.
JJ says: “We’ve had some really tough times but we’ve got through them together. I can’t put into words how proud I am of the children.
“I am raising them all as my own and we all have the same surname now.
"The older two are doing really well. Tommy recently performed brilliantly in a maths competition.
“Alicia wants to be a social worker when she leaves school. Little Luca turned one in April, and he is a daily reminder of his mummy. The kids keep me going.
“We all have matching chains with Sophie’s ashes inside and I keep a candle next to the remainder of her ashes, so she is never in the dark, which she would hate.
Sophie is my one true love, and her memory will live on through her children
JJ Warner
“On every special occasion, like on Luca’s first birthday, we send a Chinese lantern to heaven for her.
"It’s very painful, but it’s our way of remembering her and helping the children to work through their grief.”
An autopsy report released last week reveals Sophie died from acute myocardial ischaemia, ischaemic heart disease and severe coronary artery atheroma.
JJ says: “For months, I tortured myself with ‘what if’ believing that I could have saved her, if I’d checked on her a minute sooner.
"I always presumed she’d choked after she was sick.
“I am glad we finally have a cause of death and it’s a relief, in some ways, to know nothing could have been done.
“The doctors said she’d had a previous heart attack, which she didn’t know about.
“I’d like to urge everyone to have heart checks, even if you feel healthy. If Sophie’s story can save a life, it is a small comfort.
“Even so, it doesn’t ease the pain, and it doesn’t bring her back.
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“Sophie is my one true love, and her memory will live on through her children. Though we were never legally married, in my heart she will always be my wife.”
JJ had recent surgery but is making a good recovery and expects to have the all-clear from cancer later this month.
